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Chuck Norris!!!
These are some awsome chuck norris qoutes
Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure.
Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.
When Chuck Norris says “More cowbell”, he MEANS it.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and poops gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.”
Every person who achived an amazing feat is actually Chuck Norris in disguise.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take S*** from anybody.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
As an infant, Chuck Norris’ parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false – no one could survive it the first time.
Maslow’s theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom.
He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis’ Career.
Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up: Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris CAN in fact “raise the roof”. And he can do it with one hand.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
“Sweating bullets” is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
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on May 19th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
hey geordie nice blog i like your Chuck norris page LOL
on May 26th, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Thanks
on December 14th, 2010 at 11:45 am
Hey geordie where do you get all of these?